Saturday, November 22, 2014

I am mad.
-
I know you're going to read this, but whatever. I never frigging invited you, or anyone else, to read this post anyway.
Get the hell away from here, all of you.
This is my Blog, I didn't cross the barrier and shove my ass, disrupting your ugly Blogs kan? So again, get the hell away from here. I mean it.
--
First of all, let me clarify that I do not have a problem with my temper (If you suggest otherwise, then you are a retarded birdbrain with a slow mental development who does not even understand the frigging instruction of ''get the hell away from here''.)
-
HOW DARE YOU CALLED ME SPOILED. HOW FRIGGING DARE YOU.
Just because we were brought up in two entirely different environments, that does not mean you're super independent and shit, while me, I'm the spoiled one, always getting all the shit that I want and never satisfied with what I have.

Pastu nak pujuk cakap aku tak salah gunakan freedom aku. Wth. That is really low.
-
Oh,God. I'm going elsewhere to rant. I can't do this, with that person knowing it's really him I'm talking about.
-
Bye

Saturday, October 4, 2014

I miss

You know that feeling when the person you're closest to suddenly vanishes from your life? You feel sad, no? And that the world might just collapse anytime. 
-
Well, I was supposed to feel that way a couple of years ago. But I didn't.
Guess what? That sudden spurt of 'I miss' and 'Why must you go' is here now. Better late than never, eyh?
--
Dude, you were and probably still are (if you were here now) my best friend. A friend that takes an entire lifetime to forget. We were friends for about a decade before you moved away.
I was a jerk, or maybe you were, or maybe it was us. We were full of ourselves, but I can never forget how happy and content we were in each other's company. I could spend hours and days and months and years with you. Your house was mine and my house was yours. You knew my biggest darkest secrets, secrets I'd never been able to tell anyone before and after you left.
-
We did everything together, and I guess you were the reason to why I am who I am today. People see me as a bubbly person, talkative and always full of jokes. It was you. You helped to shape me that way. You taught me how to be myself, how important it is to not care about the things people say about me.
--
I need you right here, right now. I need to tell you all about my life. I need a friend that is actually a friend. Over the years where you're not here, I've been stabbed, stepped on, shit on. By those who I call friends. It's not nice, I tell you. 
But I know you wouldn't ever do that to me. I just know it.
--
Remember when we were in standard 3? Darsh asked for your phone number and I was technically the only one who memorised it. You also snuck the pics of the twins without your mother's permission just because I asked to see them babies' faces. I remember you saying that one's head was like an apple and the other was like an orange.

Standard 5, we fought for about a year, you and Hanis vs me and Ameera. We did not speak to each other but you and I were put in the same group for sivik. I remember calling you guys ''katak'' because you guys were searching for tadpoles in puddles of water at the school field, which meant you guys were late to queue after pj. We also fought over who was closer to Sry Khairun Aini and Zulaikha Nadhirah, even though we never actually announced it. Then Hanis and I sent each other letters to make truce. I remember the words ''pukul 12 kita cakap tau'' ''Nervousnya nak cakap. '' ''Haah nervous gila.'' ''Kau ke aku cakap dulu ni?'' ''Macam nak cakap dengan alien pulak'' on the letters.

Standard 6, you had that crush and Nina claimed that you held the 'party of the year'. I remember that game where we had to hang our legs mid-air once the music stopped. The stupidest game ever, yet also the most meaningful.

Form 1, we went to the haunted house of smksi and the 'ghosts' flirted with us. You didn't want to be at the back of the line because you were a freaked out ass.
You taught me how to ice skate. The main reason you entered jess was because of my intensive persuasions. I also had my mother met the school principle just to change your class from 1 Cendekia to 1 Optimis.

Form 2, we went back to your atok's house and you skipped school eventhough I was the sick one. I remember us falling asleep together on the bed at 1.30 pm and woke up at 6.40pm.
I remember using your toilet and you telling the whole world about that in your blog. Your words were 'Rabi's in the toilet, doing her business. *shivers*' 
And then you had that operation. We spent those two weeks of June holidays just chilling and watching movies while eating white chocolate chips. This was the time when we had that really huge crush on Devon Bostick, courtesy of the Diary of A Wimpy Kid. We stalked him via the Internet big time, we also hunted the movies that he starred in. We baked too and Hazim and Arif's friends would gobble them down like a pack of wolves.
We too, would play with Syaza when we skipped mumtaz.

Form 3. Syaza's birthday party. I was the odd one out. And you'd call apek every time we head back home. It didn't matter which ''home'' it was, your home was my home and my home was your home. We did those crazy videos and we even recorded our version of Gangnam Style dances.
I still remember, one time, it was 8pm and out of the blue, we decided to go to Jusco Balakong to watch movies. Well, that was what we did. We watched Happy Feet 2 because we already watched all the other movies that were available at the cinemas that time.
I also remember your sudden fall while we were sitting and learning at Sri Latha. She gave you a more stable plastic chair the week after that.
We also skipped ptm kajang numerous times. I remember our class starting at 2 and we played bowling six rounds before that. Why? Because we were bored and decided to play bowling, randomly.

Everything was so random with you, and no one is as good at being random as us. With other people it was all planning weeks before. Where's the fun in that eyh? With other people, it was always manners and discipline. Well, we were always the retarded duo and never the normal ones.
--
The other thing about us is that we'd always call one another the worst names and neither one were ever upset with the names thrown over us. You called me once, and once the phone was answered, you went all ''oi bangang''. What you didn't know was that my mom was the one who answered. I still remember laughing at you when you apologised profusely to my mother. 
Now, I don't have anyone to call names on. The worst I could get away with are ''hantu, mak nenek, mak cik''. People would get sensitive and they'd scold me. I hate that. We used to call each other ''bitch'' and ''slut'' and it was all okay.
--
All of my extended family and even the friends of my family members' knew you. And it was like that about me on your side too. We stuck around each other so much that the little time I had without you, people'd ask about you.
-
No one can ever replace you. Now I've realized how hurtful it is to have lost someone who means the world to you.
-
But you know what, I shall not sulk. I know you're happier there, you're happier than you've ever been, and that you've found new people in your life that's probably a thousand times better than I am. I'm glad. Stay happy, my friend.
---
I smurf you.



I sometimes mull over what would've happened if you were still here. I'd never plunge myself into the hellhole a few months back. You'd take care of me. I know you would. 
--
It's just so hard now. Things are tough and I feel like vanishing into thin air. Life is never really fair. Kan?
-
To lose you is like losing another part of me. But that's okay.
All hopes of having you back is distinguished, it's never the same person who comes back anyway.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Yellow peeps. It's trials. And I'm so dead. Never felt dead-er.
Sekian mekasih.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Dat friend

''Hi Rabi!!''
''Hi... *weak smile*''
''Okay, why are you so soft today?''
''Soft?''
''Yeah, usually when you greet me you'd be shouting and annoying me.''
''Oh yeke haha. Sorry la, today takde mood.''
''What's wrong?''
''I've had a few problems.''
''Awh, do you want to talk about it?''
''No.''
''Are you sure you're fine?''
''No.''
''Well then, whose ass do you want me to kick for you?''
''A few _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. Would you dare to do so?''
''And who are they?''
''________________________''
''I can't do that, but just imagining me doing that to them would be fine. Imagining things actually help you to feel better yknow.''
''Really? Are you sure that's gonna work?''
''Yeah. Okay lah, my ride's here. Gotta go. See you later and keep imagining me kicking them asses off'''
''Okay. Thanks anyway, bye _____!''

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Self-remedy


Wahlao. It's been a looooooooong time since I last updated my Blog.
Life has been so hectic and miserable as of current.
........Miserable?
Well, that's what I thought until one Monday, at around 2 am, while I was taking a rest from doing Sejarah I-think maps, that I realized how amazing my life has been so far. Alhamdulillah.
-
The harder the circumstances and burden that I have to face each passing second, the tougher I become and the less I cry. Especially when I know of those who would always be there for me whenever I need them, no matter how bad the damages and screw-ups I've done.
--













































-
((not forgetting that one party who is not in the pictures))
---
After all those happiness & laughters & dopey faces (and those aren't even a quarter of it), tell me why I should mourn and call my life ''miserable''?
-
Sure, I make mistakes at times, maybe even big and unforgivable ones, but I know I have all these people around me that will calm me and always support me back up even when it seems I've lost it all.
-
Alhamdulillah.

Friday, May 16, 2014

~..~

Okay, so I did a confrontation with both Hziq and Zafira about whatever dissatisfaction they felt towards the school prefects during hari guru celebration today.
I listened to all their points and I told them I didn't bother to explain what I have on my side, and they didn't say anything. Well, since they clearly do not care about what I have to say, let me just say my part here. No one visits blogs anymore, so why not? Plus, this is my blog, I can put anything here, and who said I gave anyone the permission to read it anyway?
--
So at first Haziq complained about Gokull closing his laptop because Gokull wanted to put the microphone under the laptop. Well, in his defence, Gokull only wanted to help you, because as far as I could remember, the mike gave-pitched sounds throughout the teachers' parade into the tapak perhimpunan. Have you ever done something nice but people misinterpret what you're doing? Of course you do not want them to be mad at you when they don't even know what your real intentions are. Well, Gokull had good intentions. He only wanted to help, maybe he didn't know the laptop would shut off if he were to do whatever he did until you got mad. I know this because I listened to his side of the story. Maybe he thought it would've worked that way, because he's our trusted man in all those siaraya stuff. Trust me when I say he only wanted to help. After all, why would he want to ruin  the teacher's day, when he'd been a faithful runner all day long? A faithful prefect standing at the siaraya stuff all year long?

Next, Ameer. Haziq complained about him being on and off while taking care of the volume for the musics, meaning, Ameer was dreaming while he was tasking. Well, he's only a human, and I'm not saying what he did was right, I'm only saying that he's not perfect. Plus, it gets boring giving your full focus on the PA system, I know. Been there, done that.
-
Then Zafira complained a shitload about... everything. Komplen kau terlalu panjang, I'm sorry you found uncountable imperfections from us, we're not perfect, never going to be perfect. My defence speech is too much, I ain't gonna fit everything here, so as per usual, Imma bottle everything up. But whatever, right?
-
I know, kawan2 aku dah jadi pemimpin sekarang, masing2 ketua untuk badan perkhimatan tertentu.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

29 January 2014

Yesterday was one of those days where I feel like I've achieved something in my life, that my presence isn't as useless as I sometimes presume it to be.
-
Early morning, we prefects were asked to stay at the tapak perhimpunan after the usual morning assembly. We were asked to nominate three names for the KP and three names for the PKP. We were each given two pieces of paper, one pink and one blue, to fill in the names. The names I wrote were Gokull, Aiman, Munirah and Qudri.

Fateen / me
Weyh, apa nama bapak kau eh?
Kenapa? Kau tulis nama siapa?
(hides the paper she's holding) Ada lah. Bagitahu je apa nama bapak kau.
*laughs* Ahmad Zainnie
(writes on her piece of paper)

Then a few people came up to me and told me that they wrote my name, and Gokull said that when he looked left and right, the people went all 'Rabiatul, Rabiatul, Rabiatul'.
--
After that, we went into our classes. Approximately 30 minutes after, Fareisya, Shuhada and Sabrina came to 5 Ibnu Sina and called me, Barizah, Qudre and Gokz. (Pardon me for the spellings of the names, it's gonna be a remainder for ownself, should I stop by this blog again in a few years' time. I want to remind my future self of how cheeky I am at this current moment.)

They told us that we were some of the candidates chosen to be the PKP and KP, and that we were required to go to the Bengkel KH by recess.

The six guy candidates were;
1. Muhammad Aiman
2. Gokull Rau
3. Muhammad Azfar
4. Ameer Izwan
5. Syaffi Ikmal Danial
6. Muhamad Amirul

The seven candidates of the girls;
1. Rabiatul Aqillah (me~ saja menggedik tulis nama gak hiks)
2. Munirah Shalilah
3. Qudri Aina
4. Amni Saffa
5. Afiqah Rafi
6. Barizah Syahirah
7. Maisarah 'Aisyah
--
At the bengkel, all the other form 5s sat at the back of the class, but since I hated sitting at the back of anything, I grabbed a chair and sat next to my juniors.
We were asked to give speeches, promoting ourselves to the juniors so that they'll nominate us for the KP and PKP position.

I noticed Khairina walking outside and peeping in at us (or me, to be exact) form time to time. Aiman was called to talk first.

Aiman;
Assalamualaikum semua.
*somethingsomething*
Saya pernah menyertai perkhemahan ketua pengawas, lepastu kalau korang semua pergi kem tahun lepas, korang tahu yang saya jadi penghulu kem. Oh, dan saya juga pergi ke Sarawak pada tahun lepas bersama2 empat orang rakan untuk menyertai something kepimpinan something.
 (note that those were the bits of speech that I remember. Of course, I can't remember his every word, I'm not as lifeless as that)

Gokull;
he talked about all the international camps he's ever been to, and he also said something about the Sarawak trip.
(I guess it was because of the contestation he felt at hearing Aiman bragging about all the things he participated in)

However, the one that surprised me the most was Amirul. We fought about a week before and everything turned awkward between us, and truth be told, whenever people talk about him in front of me, I'd always ask them to stop. Not because I hate him that much, but it's because I miss us being friends. I miss messing around and always getting away with it, I miss all the random things we'd talk about, I miss our craziness together, I miss everything. He was one of my best friends because he was always there for me, regardless of where we were and what time it was.
--
So anyway, he bravely talked about me, with me hearing his every word. That was something, especially after we became horrifyingly awkward to each other.

Amirul;
saya jadi pengawas sebab nak ikut kawan.
somethingsomething
saya nampak rabi dulu sangat garang, dan bila saya jadi pengawas, saya cuba nak jadi lebih garang dari dia.

Idk why that sort of touched me, perhaps it's because of the sincerity of him when he spoke about me. Idk. 
Anyway,

Ameer/cikgu shahida/students
somethingsomething
Saya masuk badan pengawas ni pun sebab seseorang. 
wahhhh//wooooo//siapa tu etc
lelaki ke perempuan?
(smiling) Ada lah
Ni mesti perempuan ni......

Then... 

Azfar;
somethingsomething
Rabi, Aiman, eh tak, bukan Aiman, dia baru jadi pengawas tahun lepas, senior2 pengawas lelaki, ha dorang semua ni memang saya respect la etc etc.

Azfar basically rambled on and on, just like Khairunnisa'. Afterwards Qudre and I matched the pair of them together, because they'd be so cute with each other. Bahahahaha.
-
Then it was the girls' turn. I had to give my speech first. So with shaking hands, I went up front and started talking.

Rabiatul Aqillah ( saja menggedik tulis nama gak hiks) /all the juniors /some of them;
Assalamualaikum semua, nama akak Rabiatul Aqillah Binti Ahmad Zainnie. Akak dari kelas 5 Ibnu Sina.
Akak telah menjadi pengawas sejak tingkatan 2, insyaallah akak dah ada banyak pengalaman dalam bidang pengawas ni. Dari segi kepimpinan, tahun lepas akak pernah dihantar ke sebuah kem peringkat kebangsaan tanpa guru pengiring, dan akak telah dipertanggungjawabkan untuk menjaga seramai 20 orang peserta dari tingkatan 1 sehingga tingkatan 5 dari sekolah kita. Akak juga sebenarnya baru menyertai uniform bulan sabit merah ketika tingkatan 3, tetapi alhamdulillah telah dipilih untuk menjadi pengerusi sewaktu tingkatan 4 dan 5, iaitu selama dua tahun berturut2. Selain tu, siapa yang pergi jamuan tahun lepas? (some of them raised up their hands) Best tak? Best! Cuba teka siapa manager dia? Akakk!!! *smiled* Dari pencapaian pula, akak pernah menyertai sebuah kem peringkat antarabangsa di Jerman (claps loudly), dan kumpulan akak telah berjaya menjadi kumpulan terbaik sepanjang dua minggu kami berada di sana (more claps). Dan tahun ini, insyallah akak akan mewakili Malaysia ke Mauritius pada bulan enam nanti. Kat mana tu kak? Akak pun tak pasti, tapi rasanya dekat Italy. Good luck tau kak!! etc. Okay thank you (smiles). Dari segi penampilan, akak mugkin nampak garang, tapi bagi sesiapa yang pernah rapat atau kawan akak, then tahu lah yang akak ni gila-gila. gila-gila? *laughs*. Kalau ada apa2 soalan ke, ada apa2 masalah, boleh datang terus kat akak, insyaallah akak akan tolong. Sekian, terima kasih. (claps)

After my speech, I sat down and saw Khairina out of the door, giving me thumbs-up after thumbs-up with a large beam on her face. Looking at her, I knew I nailed it.
-
And then, all the other six girls gave out their speeches, they mainly talked about their experience and hopes in the prefectorial body. 
--
After we're done, Gokull, Qudri, and me went to eat at the canteen because Gokull kept moaning he's hungry. We asked Barizah to let our teacher know about our coming a bit late into the class.
While eating, of course we talked about what happened in the Bnegkel KH. Gokull said my speech was convincing. Thanks, mate.
-
Then in the evening, I had to handle an ice breaking session for KPJ (kelab pencegahan jenayah). This one guy was trying to fool around with me while I was giving out instructions, and I didn't so much as glance at him. I even put on my strict face, and I guess that is why people labelled me 'garang gila'. Afterwards, I went up to meet teacher to clear up the bit of misunderstanding we had earlier. And everything unfolded itself smoothly soon after. She even thanked me for listening to all of her problems. I'm glad.
-
With all of these happening, I became very tired and fell asleep at 9 pm. 

Thursday, January 2, 2014

RESOLUTIONZ

I'm late.
I'm supposed to be doing this like, 2 days ago. Ah, better late than never, no?
--
1. Maintain my extra-curricular grade.
2. Score well in exams, and have no fails whatsoever throughout the year.
3. Enjoy myself as much as I can.
4. Study at least 20 minutes per day week day (I don't think this'll actually happen, but one can dream /shrugs)
5. Make serious attempts to attend tkd classes (unless I have reasons to skip or to not go at all, such as laziness.)
6. Try as best as I can to attend each and every tuition class.
7. Maintain my weight. (erm. This sounds funny -..-)
--
I guess those are it then. It's 12:48 am currently, and I am only a few hours away from school.
[As per usual, I'm also skyping with zafira. Of course]
-
Dah bye. I'm sleepy af.